Inferno of Emptiness

In between happy memories and heartache,

there are the days when it still can’t be born.

Days consumed with my awareness of loss.

 Some days – feelings are ignored, muted, dealt with,

and yet … and yet

there are days

when the need is so strong,

when the “lack of” …  so overwhelming,

the feeling of being so alone and lonely,

it is then, I realize you’re still here,

in my heart,

my mind,

my thoughts,

my being,

and the longing becomes searing, burning pain,

melting tears into little pieces of lost love

and I cry myself to sleep within an inferno of emptiness.

Penny L Howe, 2014

*

I wish you could touch me now …

I am vulnerable because of loving so pure and deeply, my walls of protection cannot keep my desire for you at bay.

and so … I wish you could touch me now. Not my heart, you’ve touched me there too deeply, it’s still bruised and bleeding. But my body still hungers for you.

I need your touch …

I desire the warmth of your caress, the closeness of your body, the physical contact of … you!

I wish you could touch me now …

… even as I understand morning light will illuminate the true reality of our relationship. I know for all your tender caring words, you would be gone and my loving soul will still be bruised … for all your promises said in the moonlight hours of sensual need and gratification. I know all this.

But the longing remains so …

I still wish you could touch me now.

I’ll always have our memories of the night time to sustain me, in daylight hours spent alone, reflecting on why you said one thing and did another. Belittling my efforts instead of supporting them, and yet still I love you. And wish you to be happy.

I am pleased to hear you are where you’ve wanted to be for so long. I am happy for you. Resigned, accepting and aware of some of the hard learned lessons of life, when one exposes one’s soul during love.

But now in these evening hours I dream of you touching me again, filling my sensual needs. Even, as reality has come full circle and comprehension of the cruelty of those who love and those who take in the guise of love, is complete.

Touch me … but let it be only the physical, my bruised soul cannot bear the mockery of a pretense at true love (yours were personal and emotional needs for yourself. I don’t believe you really thought of my needs – perhaps as an afterthought), but my body does respond to your loving body. So in that, there is truth.

I wish you could touch me. I’m prepared now for tomorrow … it hurts, but I understand. With all the love in my heart that I give so freely, I was so sure someone might love me the way I loved them in return … it seems I was mistaken!

~

Most definitely an unrequited love piece here. Not to worry, my next fictional piece is part two of adventure and excitement. Dry your tears and stay tuned for fun! Our fictional young lady in the piece above (p.s.- she’s the one trapped in the tunnel https://thewhyaboutthis.com/2013/07/22/alastairs-photo-fiction-the-tunnel-and-survival/ , although brokenhearted, she’s about to kick some serious a..!) More to come!

~ Penny

penny

Friday Fictioneers – Her motivation

Each week Friday Fictioneers (a troupe of most excellent writers) gather to display (on their own blog sites) an one hundred word (approximately) flash fiction from a photo prompt. Orchestrated by the the excellent composer of words herself, Rochelle. This weeks photograph compliments of AnElephantCant. To join in this rompingly good, creative writing fun – click right here!

~

anelephantcant

When Is a Bike More Than Transportation?

There is a gracious and gentle blogger in blogland, who, every day, wakes up to debilitating pain, affecting her joints and muscular system. Years and years of physical problems and pain, but she can’t take most conventional pain medicine, she works with alternative therapies, which includes beautiful compositions of her photography and original poetry.

So where does the bike come in? Awhile back she was amazed to discover she could actually ride a bike for brief periods. She has given her bike a name. It has become a part of her emotional and physical well being.

~

 Visit Robyn Lee,  A blogger who inspires other bloggers with her amazing talent, loving personality and awesome courage! You will not regret it!

A response from Robyn in my comment section yesterday when I inquired how she was doing:

Robyn Lee | July 16, 2013 at 2:49 pm

I just got back from a very mini ride. It’s near 100 degrees here (wet head). My pain feels less while I’m riding – and I try not to miss a day. May do one more attempt at rehab before I succumb to surgeon knife. Have been very limited and high pain despite being in what is probably strongest/best physical shape of life. Crazy – but maybe it’s just not able to stay in socket — as I said though – one more idea … so hopeful there ~ love to you and thank you for asking ! x

~

Need I say more, my fellow bloggers. When I saw the photograph of the bike, I had to share!

~ Penny

penny l howe

An Antidote for Fear, Anger and Guilt

apothecary

There are some words that when understood and utilized actually activate your life’s energy flow. A proven fact. They can fortify your immune system (so you’re healthier), strengthen your resolve of things and assist you in overcoming doubt and other obstacles in your life.

file3421246505623Love – Unconditional acceptance and understanding empathy for the human condition.

Faith or Belief – The pure feeling and revelation of our relationship to creation and the infinite.

Trust – Confidence, believing in and relying on the qualities of integrity and goodness.

Gratitude – A feeling, a humble emotion of sincere and heartfelt thankfulness.

Courage – Bravery, the quality of the mind enabling one to prepare for danger even through fear.

file7241263059338Sounds good doesn’t it! Well if you’re in a store that stocks those items to purchase, you can say I’ll take one of each,  just put it on my bill!

If they came in the form of a pill, we’d pop the pills into our mouth in a heartbeat. 

Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. There’s a little more effort on your part required. The good news is that all are readily accessible, you just need to change your mind on how you view yourself and your capabilities.

So how can you accomplish this?

file0002128336733

The “you” who is convinced of what you can’t do, and your head full of all the reasons why.

You believe you can!

You change your ATTITUDE!

You wake up tomorrow and say “I CAN DO THIS” !

You go through each day regardless of what happens believing you can do it!

AND YOU WILL!

The only one stopping you is … you,

your fears, your anger and your guilt.

So there you go.

The antidote you need, yours for the doing!

MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Have a great week,

~ Penny

Penny L Howe

 
 
Have you entered this weeks Līgo Haībun Challenge,
its for all writers and poets, Click on link to enter.

Check out the latest entries: 

Lullaby of Hope and Love (for my friends)

you are loved

~

love's lullaby

Love’s Lullaby

Just as a mother feels the beat of unborn child
I feel the rhythm from your heart ~ you are loved.
 
The music of you heartbeat so piercing and so sweet
you are special and unique and ~ you are loved.
 
 Yes there are those bad days, bad times,
(hard, hard, hard ones too),
but, hush now, hush now, do not cry ~ you are loved.
 
I sing for you a heart song to nourish you within
You are safe, and you are cherished ~ you are loved.
 
 Let my strength pick up your spirits
carry you along.
You aren’t alone, you aren’t forgotten ~ you are loved.
 
 You my friend so beautiful
I sing to let you know.
Do not be sad, I’m here for you ~ you are loved.

*

“On those loneliest days when you feel such despair
Reach out your hand, a friend will be there!”
 
*
friends
 
music
 

~ Penny L Howe, 2013

plh

Sing … you

sing for the children

Sing you, for the children

Sing, we’re all the same,,

Sing for joy and happiness

Even through the pain.

~

Sing you,  for the future

Sing for all you gain,

Sing for the tomorrows

Sing through all the pain.

~

Sing you, for those suffering

Sing without the blame,

Sing with much forgiveness

Sing thru all the pain.

~

Sing you, thru all weather

Sing thru all the rain,

Sing, your voices raised on high,

Sing thru all the pain.

~

Sing you, ’cause you’re living

Sing thru all the strain,

Sing for all those loving

Much stronger than …

… your pain!

~

Penny L Howe, 2013

Thank you,

plh

~ Penny

Copyright © 2013 by Penny l Howe,

Just one more time … you can get back up!

sadness

Yes you can!

And it’s not just hard …

Sometimes it’s “friggin” impossible!

So why should you bother? Because. Just because – that’s what life is about. It isn’t easy but it is worth the extra effort, come what may. The human spirit, the human soul. The need to live, to experience – to be!

“Remember it’s only impossible … until you decide it isn’t”

Through the pain, through the tears, through the suffering, through the agony, through the never ending onslaught of loneliness and hurt.

*

*

You can do it.

Get up!

Just one more time!

heart

the hopeful heart

*

Yes you can!

 Live!

*

~ Penny

plh

The Obstacles in Life … remove them.

Can you “see” your future?

When we decide on a path to follow in life, there are things that will trip us up (obstacles) along the way.

Did you know we accidently create the biggest obstacles we need to overcome. They are “negative preconceived expectations”! Nice jolly big words I think!

So more simply put …

Frequently, we have already decided what we cannot do, what is not possible. And we do this many times every day about a multitude of things.

Then we repeat these same things (being thought of inside our head) by saying them out loud.

We have just finished embedding into our mind the beginnings of why we can’t, won’t, shouldn’t and so on … we’ve started the construction of the hardest obstacle to overcome – our own self doubts, fears and concerns!.

Did you know that your brain pays close attention (that’s part of it’s job) to your thoughts – your voiced opinions.

And it obeys these messages by relaying them out to the rest of the brain and body .

So, for example, if the message is – “My body is very stiff and sore, I am going to be stiff and sore all day” – The first part is true because your feeling it, the second part is what you’ve decided ahead of time, before you really know if this is true and you’re passing this along to the rest of your brain and it will comply.

The body does what it’s told.

The brain believes what you decide. This is a truth and a fact. So if you say “I can’t feel better” – You won’t. If you say “I am too old” – then you are. If you decided you have too much to learn, then it will be harder to learn.

The second you dwell on what you can’t do – your mind helps make sure you can’t.

It is that simple. When you focus on what you can do (all the possibilities) your mind thinks on how to make it happen. As always – up to you!

In Life’s equation try your best to remove “negative expectations” from the middle.The goal becomes much easier to reach.

Dreams + (all the reasons I think/know I can)  = Goals achieved.

Thanks for your visit, I wish you luck with your dreams and goals

~ Penny

To all Bloggers who write – A Challenge

The Challenge

I have become increasingly impressed with the quality of talent that I see out there every day in the online blog world so today I am offering a challenge and a “featured” reward to those who write (as in almost every single one of you, lol). THE CHALLENGE: Write a poem, your own creative version of Unrequited Love (When it comes to Love, nothing is sadder or  more potentially tragic than to have your love not returned by the one whom you love).

A few days ago, on the first day of September, I wrote of a (pretend) conversation going on in my head between my “muse” and my “imagination”. It was for fun and included two poems, each written from their varying perspectives. The “muse” – from a female gender perspective and “imagination” – a male gender perspective (hey, don’t read anything into the gender thing going on there. Well okay, read a little something into it if you want to – lol)

Since I wrote these two poems however I’ve been uncomfortable because I tried to write each poem from those (mythical) perspectives. So today with both my muse and my imagination working together I am in a full and completely creative mode. My challenge … to surpass the two short poems written previously on Unrequited Love,

Your Challenge, should you choose to accept, is to send me your own creative version of Unrequited Love. Email all entries to penny1717howe@gmail.com. This can be a poem you’ve already written or something new, The challenge will stay open until September 14th, The winning entries will be featured a few days later here on my blog with attached short bio’s about each of the writers and of course a link to their blog! So come on all of you, show me your stuff!

But first my offering in this challenge of creativity:

Shattered Dreams

You

all I was,

all I thought,

all I tasted, all I felt,

all I dreamed.

you,

only you

the essence of you

everything.

nothing now,

I lay broken

in pieces,

shattered dreams

splinters of time,

withering

Our dreams of love,

forever

gone,

 passionate emptiness

pain

exquisitely tormenting,

 empty tears

suffer

a broken soul,

I

cease

to be

me!

***

**

*

Okay, now it’s your turn, once again submit your entries (yes, you may submit more than one) to: penny1717howe@gmail.com final deadline is Midnight -September 14th, 2012

Penny

Copyright © 2012 by Penny l Howe