Living your life for or through others is a very unhealthy thing. I wrote this for someone I know. She spent too many years in this mode until she herself realized what she needed to do for herself to be a whole person. It is a reminder to others as well:
Yesterday and the day before,
I was told who I should be and everyone agreed (except me)!
Yesterday and the day before I was the person
everyone wanted me to be (except me)!
Yesterday and the day before,
I did things the way others had decided I should do things, to please them not myself.
Yesterday and the day before,
I just went along with the others to keep the peace, not because I thought it was right.
Yesterday and the day before,
I was miserable and didn’t like the me I’d become very much, at all.
Yesterday I almost decided,
I didn’t want to be here or anywhere, any more.
I wasn’t sure who I was or why I even existed.
I even wondered if I’d be missed by anyone.
And then it dawned on me. I’d miss me.
In fact I’d been missing the “me” I am inside for a very long time.
And yesterday I finally realized,
that all my yesterdays weren’t mine at all.
And I decided that was all over.
Today, I think I’ll be me.
I’ll have my own independent thoughts and opinions and I will voice them.
Today, while I’m being me I’ll get to know myself even better,
in fact I think I’ll start introducing myself to others.
There is a whole bunch of “me” inside just waiting to come out.
And I think it’s about time.
Today I think I’ll be me!
~*~
Penny L Howe, 2013
Thanks for stopping by,
The Why About This 
Wow! Someone else shared this. So it seems I was supposed to read this. Absolutely beautiful! It wasn’t until recently that I have just begun to address these lifelong issues that I have dealt with since childhood. I am continuing to work at these things, as this is definitely a process. Thank you and your friend for being so brave in sharing this : ) May you both be extremely blessed, Sheri Haskins.
Hello Sheri. There are many women out there in this wide world of ours coming to terms with these same issues. I am pleased to hear you use the words – a work in process. It isn’t easy, but, you can do it. I’m glad my words are of some value to you. Just remember most of all, that you are not alone, not ever. And always remember, take care of you – you’re the only “you” you have! With sincere love and affection, Penny Howe.
Wow that wlovely..how true we become what others want u…except the true you hey..mmmm
Thank you. I went through some of these same experiences, very painful ones until the day I realized I was in charge of my feelings and memories and how to understand, learn, and move on from the negativity I felt inside. It took time and effort but the more I made me, my own person, the easier it became, I wish you well, always remember …take care of you! You, are the only you … you have! 🙂
Ya taking care of me is challenge at times like now were i live were others dnt believe me…finding that hard …but non the less …im gonna keep trying for me!
Take care im sorry you experience similar stuff good on you for taking steps for you! X
Hi Penny, Yes, we totally agree, being ‘ME’ is what it is all about.and it is an ongoing process – some days we do far better than others. But we must keep trying – lovely post and poem xx. 🙂
Hi Ruth, thank you my friend, how goes it with you? Well I hope! 🙂 xx
I’ve had to do a good bit of resting Penny, so a little quiet here. Coming back a bit again now, though. Thanks so much for asking. Take good care, Penny, love Ruth. xx
I’m sorry it’s been a little tough going Ruth, glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better now, do keep taking care of you and I will too my friend! xo
Thanks so much Penny, yes, let’s both take care! xx
Always good advice Ruth, for both of us to follow dear friend! xo
Beautifully written, Penny, and this is such a great message for everyone…it probably wouldn’t be unusual to find out that we all ignored “me” at some time in our lives, but to linger in that mind set is the tragic part…I’m so glad your friend came to this wonderful realization, too. Thanks so much for sharing…sending hugs! 🙂
I believe that most of us have the chance to be who we want to be & should do so accordingly. To impose who we want others to be is selfish – unless we see that they are on the wrong path & only trying to help.
All the best to your friend as she sets off to being the she that she wants to be!
xx 🙂 🙂 xx
True words RoSy! And thank you I will pass your message along, my friend! 🙂 xo
Sometime hard to know what the real face is. We must use so many. I like the positive ending to the excellent poem.
Thank you so much, John. I think most of us want the positive ending. Always a journey to get there though!
I think we all get ‘stuck’ there sometimes. .. good reminder my friend xxx
Thank you Roxi, dear friend! xo
Reblogged this on depressionexists and commented:
I love Penny’s blog and writings. This Reblog is very personal to me and I wanted to share it with everyone. It’s very deep and meaningful…thank you, Penny….Hugs to you all…..Paula xxx
Hi Penny, I broke down crying and had to compose myself. I haven’t cried for a while..externally that is.
I fell apart as I felt you saw right through me and I was exposed. This is how I feel many days and are learning to no longer feel like this. It was 3 years ago in August when I attempted suicide and this took me back to that day. I don’t want to make you feel bad…not at all!! I’m just letting you in….Hugs Paula xxxx
Paula I have been there and I do know those feelings. Many of us have experiences that can push us to the edge, I’m proud of you for being open. Getting it out is healthy. We are all human beings. We all make mistakes, errors of judgement that we can then suffer from. And we can learn from them too. Sounds like you’ve been doing that my friend. Much love to you Paula ~ from my heart, Penny xo
I hug you, Penny! xxxx
Beautifully written and so well said.
Thank you Sheri, easy to be led sometimes until you realize that all you do is follow. And that is a little bit harder to change! 🙂 xx
So often, Penny, it goes back to parents. Those who set expectations for their children even before the child is born! He will be this, she won’t be that, Daddy needs a partner in the business, Mom won’t let go and the beat goes on. I wonder how many lives would be lived differently if given the chance to become who they WANTED to be. Wonderful post!
Thank you so much Sharla. When my son turned 18, I overheard him tell another relative something about me that made me burst with happiness.(the relative was concerned about how I had raised my son as a single parent. Nick said to him, the best thing mom did for myself and my sister was let us grow up to be ourselves (I’ve cherished those overheard words ever since. And my son has gone on to be very successful in business and family life! My son and daughter are their own people – YES! A proud mommy, yes indeed! 🙂 xx
Absolutely wonderful, Penny! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Just one of those moments in time to treasure. How are you doing Sharla? You and Jim are in my prayers each night! xx
Yes, it is better to be ourselves even if anyone rejects us for what we are. At least, we’ll have the satisfaction that are not fake or artificial.
So very true Padmini! 🙂
This is b-e-utiful! A fabulous take on such a common question (especially among women). I just wanted to make sure you’d seen this experiment by Dove, because I feel everyone should!
http://wileyschmidt.com/2013/04/17/mirror-mirror/
You are right, everyone should see that video, I just came from there. So incredibly true! Thank you for sharing dear Wiley! 🙂
🙂
Beautifully written. Very important & powerful.
Thank you Paulette, we are the ones who impower ourselves (sometimes before others can truly see who we are).
That was my dilemma in the past. I always tried to please other people, no matter who they were. Having grown up shy and introverted, I guess that was a natural inclination. When I finally realized it was making me miserable, it was also somewhat scary to break away from it – because I knew I’d piss off people sometimes. Now, I don’t care!
Alejandro, I understand, I think you do still care, but have gotten more selective in how you project the caring part of who you are. It still shines through you know. I can see it all the way from where you live to where I live, right now my friend! 🙂 xx
Reblogged this on Into the afterlife…… and commented:
An amazing poem! I wish all those sheeple out there could read this!
Thank you very much for the reblog! 🙂
Penny,
I am an only child (and admittedly a spoiled one), which has allowed me to be ‘myself’ since forever…I don’t like it when people are ‘sheeple’ and follow everyone else without even questioning it. However, since I met my lovely boy he has made me realise that I need to consider other people in my mission to live my own life and not always think **** to what anyone else feels. ‘Do what you will but harm none’ That’s my motto!
Thank you. Your comments are well spoken. And that’s a very nice motto too! 🙂
Reblogged this on myownheart.me.
Thank you Len, my dear friend! 🙂 xx
Wonderful words Penny — exemplifies the trap too many of us fall into… so many outside forces asking us to be what THEY want us to be. I was taught a while back that I should consult my deeper self on all matters… check in with emotion – and go with what feels ‘right/good’ to her – and then I would be my authentic self. Still working on it!! ~ 🙂 Loved this, and Love u! ~ x RL
Hello bestest best of mine. Robyn you are right on, we are a work in progress aren’t we? One day at a time dearest friend for us all. Me too, love you, Penny xo
2014? Lovely poem Penny! I wanted to share this with you…I had a friend of 17 years who would say to me how she felt about things in life. I did not tell her when I disagreed. On our 17th year of friendship she came to visit me and told me how great her life was and how mine was not. I learned a huge lesson when she visited. That was that whether or not I agree, one should stand up for oneself and not be silent. Again, lovely! Hugs -B
Hi barb, nice catch. Just corrected it. Yeah, I’m way ahead of the game and writing for next year, ha,ha (don’t I wish)! A very good learning lesson to share Barb, thank you my friend, you are correct ~ keep taking care of you, you’re the only you – you have! 🙂 xx
Hugs Penny!
Wow, does this hit home for me. This is the way I lived my life for so many years and find I can still easily slip back into this old pattern. Thank you so much for this timely post Penny. 🙂
My pleasure LuAnn. It is so true for so many, in varying degrees. You and I have our own personal stories in that regard. Take care of you my friend! 🙂 xx
Yep.. to live for oneself and be oneself… great advise…
Thank you bulldog, keep taking care of you (whilst you work on your project) my friend! xx
So true and touching. The need to be the perfect woman as society demands. The need to be oneself considered selfish. How many of us are out there really?
Exactly so! The Perfect woman is at once self defeating and illusionary, as no one is “perfect” however I must admit, women do have a whole bunch of admirable qualities, when we remember to remind ourselves of them! Many … actually, as in lots and lots! 🙂
Well written Penny. Great advice for everyone to listen to. We all need to live our lives for ourself. Today, while I’m being me I’ll get to know myself even better, That is so true
Thanks Alastair, true of all of us! Some more than others, as you and I have found to be true! 🙂 xx
Yes we have.
Beautifully written with such an important message. I think everyone, to some degree, is trying to be the person others expect them to be. This will resonate with so many people
Thank you. I agree. Is anyone ever really 100% their own person? If we’re honest with ourselves it would be as you say, in the need to be accepted and approved of we do tend to go that route (more or less)!